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Posts Tagged ‘mother’

A red rose with dewdrops Français : Une rose r...

Two years ago today…

I remember the relief when we got the news that Mother quietly left this world, because she was finally able to go home to Jesus as she had wanted for so many years.  She suffered long enough.

Looking at last year’s post for remembering her I decided it says what I would say again. **********************

On this morning a year ago, my mother quietly passed from this life into God’s arms. She wanted it so badly for many years.

We had our differences over the years, but although we were never close, we forgave each other the hurts we caused.

It was very sad when we found out she had Alzheimer’s. She didn’t have the best life and my heart-felt so bad for her. I have occasionally thought about writing for her “Mother~You Deserved a Better Life.”

She was the last of eight children…six girls and two boys. All are gone now, including their spouses. I wish I would have thought, many years ago when they were all alive to start asking questions about mother…the things they knew about her. Writing about her would mostly come from my own memories or things I think I remember she told me.

I did know that she gave birth to me out-of-wedlock, and the details were sketchy, until…

The time came when we had to put mother in assisted living. We found a very nice place which looked like a hotel. Her doctor even recommended it, and no that doctor was not assigned to that home. We, my brother and I, made all the arrangements with the home including which room she would be in and had some new furniture delivered there for her.
In conversations with the staff there, and other people we knew who had to put a relative in an Alzheimer’s assisted living facility we knew not to tell mother what was going to happen. The staff at the home said to bring her for lunch and that they would be around to help us when the time came to tell mother she would not be going back home.
God that hurts just writing it. It broke our hearts to have to put her there, but the doctor told us she should have been in about a year sooner.

So we told her we were taking her out to lunch, and since the dining room was on the first floor just like a hotel she would not think anything of it. She did mention a couple of times about all the old people there and so many in wheel chairs; but then immediately forgot about it. We had it arranged that when lunch was over and we were ready, the lady who was going to be mother’s daytime caregiver would come and offer to take us on a “tour.”
Then once we were in “mother’s room” we would tell her the news. I am not going there today.

Anyway, when we finished lunch and dessert we had some coffee and conversation. With Alzheimer’s the memories go, beginning with the most current so gradually they begin remembering older experiences. At one point mother looked at me and said something that I never knew, and my brother had never heard it either. She said “I am so glad I did not have you aborted!” Talk about shock! She told us that she had been raped (another shock) and was how she got pregnant with me. She said two of her siblings (she could not remember which ones) told her she should have an abortion. Apparently she had agreed. When they took her to have it done, as she was about to walk through the door to the room she decided she could not go through with it. So, she gave birth to me and kept me. It was not an easy life for her.  And then she ended up having to go through this horrible illness and be in assisted living for four years.

You deserved a better life mother, but I know you now have the best life.

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What an exciting day today.

Baby Dove Kiss by Ann Marquette

This morning I was out front planting a new plant I picked up at Home Depot yesterday.
I heard some cooing back and forth by the mommy dove (I believe it was the mommy on duty), and the daddy apparently in another tree nearby. All of a sudden I heard some swooshing and looked up to see mommy fly off and daddy take over the parental duties. I knew there were some babies in the nest which I finally saw this morning and got a few photos. The difficulty getting photos makes it hard to get really good clear ones, but I do my best. Most taken through window from inside the house so birds coloring not so perfect.

Two Baby Doves with Mom by Ann Marquette

This afternoon I looked up to see the daddy take off and leave the babies all alone. So I went upstairs with the camera so I could check out the nest. I could see babies in there and it looked like there might be 3 because it looks like three bodies laying side by side! However, I believe doves only have 2 at a time.

Babies alone asleep? by Ann Marquette

About an hour or so later one of the parents came back with food for the little ones. Of course, I had to get more photos. This time they were situated enough that I could see them to get photos standing on my porch.

Awe! by Ann Marquette

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PET scan of a human brain with Alzheimer's disease

Image via Wikipedia

I wrote some of this May 5, 2008. Two years previously we had to put Mother in assisted living because her Alzheimer’s has progressed so she needed 24/7 care.

I recently talked with the nurse at the assisted living home where Mother has been the last two years. She advised me that Mother’s memory has deteriorated significantly in the last few months. She does not know where she is going, cannot use the elevator, unable to figure out where to go.

I have seen the people in this state and they kind of look like walking vegetables…almost. It is so sad. For years, even before she was bad enough to be placed in the home she has prayed for God to take her HOME with Him.

This is one illness which I wonder why they have to live for years this way. I ask “why God, don’t you take them home?”

So sad to watch people lose their memories, starting with most recent and gradually those further away.

Sorry Mother you had to go through that, but so glad you are now at peace…and remember everything.

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Jesus with children, early 1900s Bible illustr...

Image via Wikipedia

On this morning a year ago, my mother quietly passed from this life into God’s arms. She wanted it so badly for many years.

We had our differences over the years, but although we were never close, we forgave each other the hurts we caused.

It was very sad when we found out she had Alzheimer’s. She didn’t have the best life and my heart-felt so bad for her. I have occasionally thought about writing for her “Mother~You Deserved a Better Life.”

She was the last of eight children…six girls and two boys. All are gone now, including their spouses. I wish I would have thought, many years ago when they were all alive to start asking questions about mother…the things they knew about her. Writing about her would mostly come from my own memories or things I think I remember she told me.

I did know that she gave birth to me out of wedlock, and the details were sketchy, until…

The time came when we had to put mother in assisted living. We found a very nice place which looked like a hotel. Her doctor even recommended it, and no that doctor was not assigned to that home. We, my brother and I, made all the arrangements with the home including which room she would be in and had some new furniture delivered there for her.
In conversations with the staff there, and other people we knew who had to put a relative in an Alzheimer’s assisted living facility we knew not to tell mother what was going to happen. The staff at the home said to bring her for lunch and that they would be around to help us when the time came to tell mother she would not be going back home.
God that hurts just writing it. It broke our hearts to have to put her there, but the doctor told us she should have been in about a year sooner.

So we told her we were taking her out to lunch, and since the dining room was on the first floor just like a hotel she would not think anything of it. She did mention a couple of times about all the old people there and so many in wheel chairs; but then immediately forgot about it. We had it arranged that when lunch was over and we were ready, the lady who was going to be mother’s daytime caregiver would come and offer to take us on a “tour.”
Then once we were in “mother’s room” we would tell her the news. I am not going there today.

Anyway, when we finished lunch and dessert we had some coffee and conversation. With Alzheimer’s the memories go, beginning with the most current so gradually they begin remembering older experiences. At one point mother looked at me and said something that I never knew, and my brother had never heard it either. She said “I am so glad I did not have you aborted!” Talk about shock! She told us that she had been raped (another shock) and was how she got pregnant with me. She said two of her siblings (she could not remember which ones) told her she should have an abortion. Apparently she had agreed. When they took her to have it done, as she was about to walk through the door to the room she decided she could not go through with it. So, she gave birth to me and kept me. It was not an easy life for her.  And then she ended up having to go through this horrible illness and be in assisted living for four years.

When my brother and I were told by the staff at the home that mother had passed, we actually felt relief for her because we knew she was now where she wanted to be.
“Bless you mother.”

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I don’t remember ever wanting to be someone else. But, I was always insecure and lacking of self-confidence. Over the years since my early 20’s I have worked at becoming a better person, and different from my mother.

So many children grow up to have many of the same traits and habits of their parents. Even though some parents are not bad people, some of us have seen our parents act in ways we don’t care to emulate. I am one of those.

As I grew older I gradually realized why my mother said and did the things which hurt me. She had things happen to her which affected her deeply. She did not understand herself and could not even admit she acted the way she did to me and my brother.

Thankfully my understanding gave way to forgiveness. My heart went out to her when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, even though we had never grown close. My brother and I eventually had to put her in an Alzheimer’s assisted living home. That was so sad. She really did deserve a better life than she had, and a happier last few years. She passed into Heavenly peace in April this year.

On January 1st this year I made the decision to spend this year working on my own transformation. I want to be the kind of person God wants me to be. I knew I wanted to develop better habits, improve myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. It won’t happen over night, but with daily working on the various changes even at least one of them each day I will get there.

Yesterday (November 15, 2010) I heard Joyce Meyer ask the question “Are you happy with yourself, or trying to be someone else?” It was an AH HA moment for me as I thought about my own personal answer.

There have been many things I’ve not liked about myself. Yet today, as I think of the progress I’ve made over the years and I realize, I do like myself. I’m proud of how far I’ve come over the many years to become a better person, gaining wisdom, and I hope a more loving heart.

I don’t want to be someone else. I just want to be me, who I am meant to be. I am happy with myself ~ and even happier with each accomplishments along the way to a better me.

November 15, 2010

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