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Posts Tagged ‘life’

A red rose with dewdrops Français : Une rose r...

Two years ago today…

I remember the relief when we got the news that Mother quietly left this world, because she was finally able to go home to Jesus as she had wanted for so many years.  She suffered long enough.

Looking at last year’s post for remembering her I decided it says what I would say again. **********************

On this morning a year ago, my mother quietly passed from this life into God’s arms. She wanted it so badly for many years.

We had our differences over the years, but although we were never close, we forgave each other the hurts we caused.

It was very sad when we found out she had Alzheimer’s. She didn’t have the best life and my heart-felt so bad for her. I have occasionally thought about writing for her “Mother~You Deserved a Better Life.”

She was the last of eight children…six girls and two boys. All are gone now, including their spouses. I wish I would have thought, many years ago when they were all alive to start asking questions about mother…the things they knew about her. Writing about her would mostly come from my own memories or things I think I remember she told me.

I did know that she gave birth to me out-of-wedlock, and the details were sketchy, until…

The time came when we had to put mother in assisted living. We found a very nice place which looked like a hotel. Her doctor even recommended it, and no that doctor was not assigned to that home. We, my brother and I, made all the arrangements with the home including which room she would be in and had some new furniture delivered there for her.
In conversations with the staff there, and other people we knew who had to put a relative in an Alzheimer’s assisted living facility we knew not to tell mother what was going to happen. The staff at the home said to bring her for lunch and that they would be around to help us when the time came to tell mother she would not be going back home.
God that hurts just writing it. It broke our hearts to have to put her there, but the doctor told us she should have been in about a year sooner.

So we told her we were taking her out to lunch, and since the dining room was on the first floor just like a hotel she would not think anything of it. She did mention a couple of times about all the old people there and so many in wheel chairs; but then immediately forgot about it. We had it arranged that when lunch was over and we were ready, the lady who was going to be mother’s daytime caregiver would come and offer to take us on a “tour.”
Then once we were in “mother’s room” we would tell her the news. I am not going there today.

Anyway, when we finished lunch and dessert we had some coffee and conversation. With Alzheimer’s the memories go, beginning with the most current so gradually they begin remembering older experiences. At one point mother looked at me and said something that I never knew, and my brother had never heard it either. She said “I am so glad I did not have you aborted!” Talk about shock! She told us that she had been raped (another shock) and was how she got pregnant with me. She said two of her siblings (she could not remember which ones) told her she should have an abortion. Apparently she had agreed. When they took her to have it done, as she was about to walk through the door to the room she decided she could not go through with it. So, she gave birth to me and kept me. It was not an easy life for her.  And then she ended up having to go through this horrible illness and be in assisted living for four years.

You deserved a better life mother, but I know you now have the best life.

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Frances Brundage Thanksgiving

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It is Thanksgiving time, and there is so much I am grateful for…mostly for God in my life and all the wonderful people ~ family, friends, acquaintances, and those who softly breeze through my life even for a short while.

 I have been through many difficulties at various times in my life, and I thank God for bringing me through them to a better, brighter side. 

 I never knew this until 2006 the day we were putting mother in the assisted living home, when she told me that she was moments away from having me aborted when she decided not to go through with it.  So, here I am many years later alive and kicking.

Thank you God and Mother. for giving me life.   Mother is home in heaven and I am grateful that she is no long in pain, and at peace.

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Dedicated to all who have been, are, and will be a part of my patchwork life.
What an amazing life
Like a beautiful patchwork quilt
Various shades of colors
A variety of designs~

Family, friends, acquaintances
Some famous personalities
Some only whispers
Some a passing breeze
Some who stay forever,
In this life and beyond~

Traumatic painful times
Soft and quiet hours
And oh yes…
Miraculous, magical moments
Peaceful, wonderfully loving moments~

The most beautiful patches
Not just the special people
Happy times
Magic moments…
But, every single one
Sewn together
To match, blend, highlight, contrast
Every Blessed piece
Make up this…
Wonderful patchwork life of mine~

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I AM…
Who I AM
Through all and because of
All I have done
All I have seen
All I have experienced

I AM…
Who I AM
For what I have said
And did not say
For what I have heard
And not heard

I AM…
Who I AM
Because of all of you
All who have been in my life
Because of all the love
And no love

I AM…
Who I AM
Because God made me
Because God loves me…unconditionally
Because, I AM…
A child of God

Copyright May 29, 2006

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In some of my readings and musings today, my thoughts turned to experiences in my life and lessons learned.
I started jotting down my thoughts, and as I did, I realized that with each one the word BELIEVE came to mind.

 Letting go of control…BELIEVE
 Remembering some of the most amazing surprises in my life, which were beyond my wildest imaginings and still amaze me today…BELIEVE FOR MORE
 Allowing others to help me, and sometimes remembering to let them know how they can help me. Then Let Go and Let God guide the process…BELIEVE those who are meant to help will and in the right way.
 BELIEVE in the dreams of m heart, the ones that never let go.
 BELIEVE in myself that I can accomplish what needs to be done to follow the path to my dreams becoming reality.

Whenever I feel concerned about what is happening in our country and how it is affecting me, I remember my blessings and all I have to be grateful for. I also remember the other tough times in my life which I have come through, and the many wonderful surprises I have experienced. I know I am a child of God and that He loves me unconditionally, and all is well. What brings me extra joy is hearing good things happening for others, whether getting a job, their health getting better, among other things. I have been hearing good things since the beginning of the year. So no matter what there is hope for better times ahead.

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I Am…Who I Am

I AM…
Who I AM
Through all and because of
All I have done
All I have seen
All I have experienced

I AM…
Who I AM
For what I have said
And did not say
For what I have heard
And not heard

I AM…
Who I AM
Because of all of you
All who have been in my life
Because of all the love
And no love

I AM…
Who I AM
Because God made me
Because God loves me…unconditionally
Because, I AM…
A child of God

Copyright May 29, 2006

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Autumn has always been my favorite season. One Autumn a few years ago was extra special.

The tree colors in the city where I lived were more glorious than I had seen them before.

More wonderful, special people had come into my life…even if briefly. My heart used to hurt so much, when people who came into my life, and I would have liked to keep them there, but they would go out again; not for any bad reason, just life.

As I think about these special souls who come in and out of my life, I realize something magical about some of them. They have had unstable or life-threatening sad beginnings to their lives. Yet they and God knew they needed to be in this world of ours. They are living proof of miracles, and strength, goodness and love. These souls create moments of magic in other people’s lives…they have in mine. I think of them as elusive Unicorns who pass through my life reminding me that I have a loving heart. And even though my heart breaks when they leave, I know another will come along to fill that empty space even for a little while.

Maybe it was that Autumn when I learned to be at peace with letting people come in and out of my life as they needed or wanted. This time of year seems to be a beautiful time for Letting Go, to allow myself to become A Blank Slate in order to allow for healing and new beginnings.

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