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Posts Tagged ‘death’

A red rose with dewdrops Français : Une rose r...

Two years ago today…

I remember the relief when we got the news that Mother quietly left this world, because she was finally able to go home to Jesus as she had wanted for so many years.  She suffered long enough.

Looking at last year’s post for remembering her I decided it says what I would say again. **********************

On this morning a year ago, my mother quietly passed from this life into God’s arms. She wanted it so badly for many years.

We had our differences over the years, but although we were never close, we forgave each other the hurts we caused.

It was very sad when we found out she had Alzheimer’s. She didn’t have the best life and my heart-felt so bad for her. I have occasionally thought about writing for her “Mother~You Deserved a Better Life.”

She was the last of eight children…six girls and two boys. All are gone now, including their spouses. I wish I would have thought, many years ago when they were all alive to start asking questions about mother…the things they knew about her. Writing about her would mostly come from my own memories or things I think I remember she told me.

I did know that she gave birth to me out-of-wedlock, and the details were sketchy, until…

The time came when we had to put mother in assisted living. We found a very nice place which looked like a hotel. Her doctor even recommended it, and no that doctor was not assigned to that home. We, my brother and I, made all the arrangements with the home including which room she would be in and had some new furniture delivered there for her.
In conversations with the staff there, and other people we knew who had to put a relative in an Alzheimer’s assisted living facility we knew not to tell mother what was going to happen. The staff at the home said to bring her for lunch and that they would be around to help us when the time came to tell mother she would not be going back home.
God that hurts just writing it. It broke our hearts to have to put her there, but the doctor told us she should have been in about a year sooner.

So we told her we were taking her out to lunch, and since the dining room was on the first floor just like a hotel she would not think anything of it. She did mention a couple of times about all the old people there and so many in wheel chairs; but then immediately forgot about it. We had it arranged that when lunch was over and we were ready, the lady who was going to be mother’s daytime caregiver would come and offer to take us on a “tour.”
Then once we were in “mother’s room” we would tell her the news. I am not going there today.

Anyway, when we finished lunch and dessert we had some coffee and conversation. With Alzheimer’s the memories go, beginning with the most current so gradually they begin remembering older experiences. At one point mother looked at me and said something that I never knew, and my brother had never heard it either. She said “I am so glad I did not have you aborted!” Talk about shock! She told us that she had been raped (another shock) and was how she got pregnant with me. She said two of her siblings (she could not remember which ones) told her she should have an abortion. Apparently she had agreed. When they took her to have it done, as she was about to walk through the door to the room she decided she could not go through with it. So, she gave birth to me and kept me. It was not an easy life for her.  And then she ended up having to go through this horrible illness and be in assisted living for four years.

You deserved a better life mother, but I know you now have the best life.

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Our country has a silent epidemic…it is called suicide.

Not only people who are being bullied, but many in depression even if it is situational and not chemical depression. People who continually feel invisible, alone, unloved. Many people cannot understand why someone could commit suicide. How many times have you been talking with someone, answering a question they asked you about your life…in the middle of your answer someone breaks into the conversation about something totally different; and you never get to finish your part of the original conversation? Or maybe after asking the question you turned your attention to someone else instead of listening to the answer? Do we truly care about the other person? Are we really interested in hearing what someone else has to say?

Recently a friend, Trey committed suicide. He was going through some serious tough times in his life. He was a kind and caring man. One of his strongest beliefs was that everyone needs and deserves to be heard. Yet he was in so much emotional pain that something pushed him over the line and he took his own life.

I have heard of at least 3 other suicides within the past month, and a great many more stories of past suicides.

Trey’s brother, Erick has decided to spend the rest of his life fighting to stop suicide.  I urge you to read Erick’s blog and let us encourage continued dialogue about this epidemic and what we can do to help stop people from killing themselves, to let them know they ARE important, that they matter to us. http://warrioragainstsuicide.blogspot.com/2011/09/new-beginning.html

Here is a piece I wrote a few years ago. It is sad, but think about someone who may feel like this on a regular basis, they feel no one really cares about giving some quality time to really listen to them.
https://amarquette333.wordpress.com/2011/01/28/brief-moments-and-then/

Let us create a society where it is not taboo to talk about this and find ways to STOP SUICIDE.

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I wrote this piece some years ago, inspired by the art of Michael Cox, and someone ~Johnny~ who I loved many years ago.

Solitude by Michael Cox

 

I found this poem recently as I was going through my writings.

Learning of the death of dear Trey Pennington

Trey

 this morning, knowing part of his struggles over the last few months, I gift this piece in memory of him. I wish he could have found his way through as the story tells in this poem.

 My Solitude 

Ever so quiet and peaceful
The moment at rest
In the comfort of my own space

But, alas the roars of past fears
The emotions they still evoke
The struggle to understand them
The desire to let them go

And then a special memory
Remembering love once
Then the heartbreaking sadness
When that love had to leave this world

The mind wanders
Visions like living dreams
Dreams, hopes, and desires
Yet to be fulfilled

Then from somewhere
There is the sound of music
A beautiful waterfall
A light shining through the darkness

The internal struggles are gone
A feeling of love fills me up
And flows through me
Like a waterfall

My heart feels the joy
The new landscape taking hold
The beginning of new growth
Breaking through the rocks
That once was my heart

Tears of joy fall softly
My Solitude time is over
I begin to take the steps
They lead to a beautiful beyond

 

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Heart

Image via Wikipedia

I am reposting this piece, and will repost more about friendships/relationships as I remember my friend Smita who passed away on Friday, June 10, 2011.

Friends are the richest blessings we can have.
When we accept a new friend into our lives, we must take them as they are…warts and wonders.
Our friends must be given the freedom to come and go in and out of our lives, as they see fit for themselves.
Yet, when we feel a great need to share a thought, feeling, or time with a friend we should let them know…especially to let them know we care for

and love them.
Some friends are like leaves on a tree, and the time comes for them to fall away from our lives and move on to become friends with others. We each leave a part of ourselves with the other.
Other friends are like rocks, here to stay with us through thick and thin…all the days of our lives.
Friendships, long or short-term, should be cherished and tended as the most valuable gift we have in life.

September 2003

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I started this last night, Friday, June 10th…
Words, where are they? I am behind in posting. I would like to write something profound, but nothing is coming to me.
I am tired, yet feel calm and thoughtful. By thoughtful I mean it feels like there is something deep inside which I need to find and bring to the surface. I wonder what it is.
Until I can find it, I am grateful for many things. I am especially grateful for my friends and family.

NOW I KNOW WHY…
This evening there was a message on my friend Smita’s Facebook.

Smita and I became friends at least two years ago through Authors Den. We graduated to communicating directly via email, pretty much daily. She was Professor in English, Arts Faculty at the University of Allahabad, a poet and writer in English, a mother, lover of travelling to her beloved Himalayan mountains, and a friend. She has had health problems for some time and recently had to go to hospital for some tests because she was so bad and could barely breathe. She was told she could no longer go to the mountains; she could only walk for 10 minutes and then rest. She was able to go home to take her medicine and follow doctor’s orders.

Late Thursday night around 11:30 pm EST in the US and late Friday morning in India we had been emailing. She said she was doing ok, and was cooking for a friend who was going to be visiting. I wrote back asking her “What are you cooking?” I was so tired I shut down the computer and went to bed. I had to get up a bit early in the morning to get ready to take a friend to the hospital to have her defibrillator checked and turned out had to have it replaced there and then because it was not working correctly. She was finally approved to go home about 4:30pm. When I finally got home I was tired, had something to eat, and checked emails. Nothing from Smita, but as I said we would occasionally miss a day. I was going to check in with her today. But then I got an email notification of a message from her on Facebook.

I am Rahul, Smita’s son. My mother passed away on June 10, 2011, at 12 noon of a massive cardiac arrest.
Then her son told me that “her laptop was on when she was discovered… the chat window with you was open and she was asking you about commenting on her blog.”

I am very sad that I won’t hear from you anymore Smita and I miss you already. My days will have an empty place now without either an email or FB chat with you.  You were a blessing and a joy in my life, a good friend.  Yet I smile as I think of you now in a beautiful paradise, in peace, healthy, and knowing the love you were not sure of while you were here.  Love and hugs dear friend,

My Friend, Smita RIP

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