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Posts Tagged ‘ann marquette’

My Thoughts on this Labor Day 2017 as I am happily spending time in my local BN Café.

The only men in my life who really loved me. My Dad, and my high school boyfriend Johnny. And, the one who is alive…my brother, John who is also a best friend.
Johnny and I met through our church youth group while in high school. We became fast friends. He had asthma, and this was back in the 60s when there was no medicine for it like there is now.

He lived, probably a good 5 miles from where I lived. Usually one of his parents would drop him off at my house so he could spend time with us (me). When they couldn’t he would walk the miles to come see me; one day even in the rain without an umbrella! Some times when he could not come because of his asthma he would call and we would talk a long time on the phone. And, he would often play the piano for me over the phone. He was an amazing pianist and even wrote a beautiful piece which was going to be recorded! It reminded me of a beautiful waterfall. It was never recorded because the next summer Johnny died. I was devastated.
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Each time I come to BN Café lately I read a few pages of the latest issue of BELLA GRACE. Right now I can’t afford to buy it. I just turned the page to the next article “You are Loved!” Recently I have been sensing a feeling of what it might be like to have God’s best man for me in my life; almost as if it could actually happen. I don’t feel any need to have one, and definitely not looking. So it is strange to get this feeling just out of the blue.

A moment ago inside of a bubble of sensing something wonderful there was a hint of a tear in my soul. Don’t know if a sad tear or a happy one.
Even with my headphones on listening to music from Pandora I love watching the variety of people who come to this popular café and vaguely watch and listen to life going on around me.

Couples sitting together, but doing their own thing i.e. reading by whatever means they have chosen, doing crosswords etc. Some writing, working on a laptop or tablet, daydreaming, or chatting with others. Such an interesting mix of people. I love it all.

I like sitting next to the window wall. Often when a parent is walking past with their children, a child will look at me and smile as she is passing. Of course I smile back. It warms my spirit.

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A couple months ago I opened a current issue of Bella Grace, a magazine of inspiration and part journal.  Love this publication. It is only three years old, but it will be around for a very long time.  Wish I would have noticed it much sooner.  It inspires and encourages calm, peaceful, simpler living; and appreciation, respect, and love of others.

I also receive the blog Grace Notes, and today read an awesome post by Elle Harris “Love Letter to a Single Friend.”  It can be for someone who never found that special someONE, or did but lost them, even anyone to realize the importance of the gift of them to others who love them.  It is beautifully written and I hope you will take a few minutes to read it then pass it on to others in your life.

http://bellagracemagazine.com/blog/love-letter-to-a-single-friend/

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Recently I was reading my devotionals and a key word kept coming up…HEART, and I began to think of broken hearts.

A Broken Heart is usually thought of regarding the emotion of love lost…either through a breakup or death. But what about a physically broken heart, one that cannot beat properly and needs a pacemaker, a defibrillator, or even a surgical bypass.

Over the years I’ve had many of the emotional kind.

Some years ago after being hospitalized for tests to check my heart after an anxiety episode the cardiologist informed me my heart was that of a 16 year old. So, this recent ambulance trip to the ER, even though I thought I was having a major anxiety attach, brought shocking news that my heart was in Afib (atrial fibrilation), and after being moved to the hospital’s other campus to its cardiology unit I was informed I would need a pacemaker. I now have a physically broken heart, and internal scars wrapped around the wires to the pacemaker all to keep my heart beating properly. After several years the little mechanical device will wear out and the doctor will have to replace it with a new one.

How do we heal the emotional broken heart! Time and prayer. God is the only one who can heal that brokenness, and He may do so in a variety of ways. But first He will help us to healing within ourselves. We do need to love ourselves before we can truly love others.

My big question is, where is our emotional heart. Surely those “heartfelt” feelings don’t actually come from the physical heart in our bodies. Where did the idea of the emotional heart come from. So I Googled the question.

https://www.heartmath.org/articles-of-the-heart/science-of-the-heart/making-emotions/ 
“McCraty explains that research has shown changes in heart-rhythm patterns clearly reflect when an individual is experiencing positive or negative emotions. For example, the research shows, sustained positive emotions are associated with a noticeably coherent, smooth and balanced heart-rhythm pattern. In contrast, negative emotions are reflected by a jagged, erratic pattern.”

Hmm! So, was my physical heart broken after too many sad and stressful times? Maybe. But, now I am in this place in my life and I must do what I can, with God’s help, to continue working on healing me, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. I continue to be a work in progress 

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The great blessing during the first four days of April and after are the people who were and are there for me. As I lay in the first ER, before hearing the shocking news of being in afib I had texted my friend and neighbor Catherine, and a friend from church, Philomena. They both arrived quickly and almost the same time. What a comfort and help they were; and still a comfort by being my good friends.
During my stay in the Telemetry area of the other hospital several others came to see me. All offered to help in any way I needed. Thank you Paula, Ann, Ed and Carolyn, Tammy and David, Carole and Dan. My friend Judy came to spend time with me, especially the day of the procedure to connect the pacemaker to my heart’s electrical system! And she came the next morning to be with me until I was discharged, then drove me home making sure I was ok before she left.
My brother arrived from Michigan a few hours after I got home, and he stayed with me for two weeks. I wasn’t able to drive that first two weeks so he drove. As he was there over Easter we had a lovely Easter brunch at a nice local restaurant. I love him so much, and thank God for bringing him into my life.
I went back to work part time the week after I got home from hospital and the staff were awesome and caring. It did me good to get back, even part time to have my mind on something else. Between that and my brother being here with me those first two weeks I know it helped my recovery.
It is 3 months since and I am doing good. Feeling like a new person and in wonderment each day as I feel and think differently. Amazing how something that seems so bad can turn out to be so good.
Thank you God.

Heart Smile

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I wrote this early December 2016.  I thought it would be a longer piece of its own, but it seems like it was the beginning of a new journey!  Maybe!

Currently I am reading Heaven by Randy Acorn, Mere Christianity by CS Lewis, for Church – Divine Renovation by Father James Mallon, and finished Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert.
This fits in with my #3 Strength – Intellection. I love reading and learning, and much of it inspires my Futuristic strength. I don’t like to rush through reading these types of books. As I read a little at a time I sometimes find similar or identical thoughts by the different authors, even when the theme of their books differ.
I’ve been transitioning within myself most of my life. I’ve lived in many places including abroad, and travelled quite a bit, so I think I have a little gypsy in me. A few years ago I realized I must have been searching for HOME when I happened on Greenville SC. I thought it was just a great place to make day trips and occasional weekends away from where I was living at the time. Then one day I realized it was THE PLACE where I felt AT HOME. A few years later I was able to move here.
Greenville is not perfect as a city, not paradise, but it is a wonderful, blessed place to live; and make wonderful new friends and friendly acquaintances.
The various temp jobs were great while waiting for a great permanent part-time job. They afforded me the joy of meeting more great people. I don’t need to be rich, but I do need to have the extra quality personal time to read, learn, be inspired, and write.
Where do I go from here?
I continue to transition into better habits and see my path to a more creative life.
It’s a busy time of year. In addition to the normal life things to deal with there is a new lease contract to read through, and health insurance notices/updates for the coming new year to read through!!! Those are not things I like doing, but they have to be done. There are things at church I am involved in, social responsibilities, and working full time contract work with the City of Greenville again until some time next year.
Until things settle down within the job and life stuff I find it is difficult to take the quality time I need to get through more reading, and back to writing on a regular basis. Oh well the time will come.

Until next post..love and blessings to all.  May you all find your own path.

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Lovely Entrance Exit by Ann Marquette

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BELIEVE

Believe by Ann Marquette

It is time to call it quits with social media and will deactivate my FB account Saturday night (4 days from now).  I will begin the New Year with A Blank Slate” for a clean heart, clear mind, and open spirit.  

I give it all to you, Lord Jesus
This mind
This soul
This heart
The spirit within
I am letting go

Letting it all go
All the muddled thoughts
All the mixed emotions
All the confused feelings
Too much, too many
Have scarred the very essence
Of this being

I give to you
This empty vessel
This blank slate
For you to make it new
For you to fill it up
Fill it to overflowing
With Your goodness
Your grace
Your light
Your love

Write what you will
On this blank slate
That is me
Waiting to be cleansed
And renewed
With Your Spirit, Lord Jesus

Copyright October 24, 2008

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Hello to all who have been my followers and I hope you are still.  I have been working on a few transitions in my life, although I think my whole life has been in transition.  Always hoping I am following the right path! 🙂

I’m trying to work more on my writing and want to get back to blogging.  Thinking about creating a second blog page to separate my stories and poems from my personal musings, but have not gotten to that point yet.  But I do have something I want to get posted in the meantime and will share it soon.

Thanks to all of you still out there following.

PS.  And to all the bloggers I am following, please forgive me for being so behind in reading everything, and those I do read I may not have something specific to comment so I may only click the “Like” button.

Blessings to all of you

BELIEVE

Believe     by Ann Marquette

 

 

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