November 16 – Smell of Autumn

There are lovely colored leaves on the ground from the various trees out front…especially the Maple tree.

I love the Autumn time of year as God’s palette changes the colors, the breeze move the leaves so they can no longer hold on and they drift to the ground. I love the sound the leaves make when we walk through them.

I remember recently hearing or reading about the outdoor smell this time of year.   I didn’t remember experiencing that scent so far this year, nor in recent years past. And then it happened. Today as I walked to the mailbox and back…there it was the smell of Autumn….and my heart smiled.

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Am I Happy with Myself…Or trying to be Like Someone Else?

I don’t remember ever wanting to be someone else. But, I was always insecure and lacking of self-confidence. Over the years since my early 20’s I have worked at becoming a better person, and different from my mother.

So many children grow up to have many of the same traits and habits of their parents. Even though some parents are not bad people, some of us have seen our parents act in ways we don’t care to emulate. I am one of those.

As I grew older I gradually realized why my mother said and did the things which hurt me. She had things happen to her which affected her deeply. She did not understand herself and could not even admit she acted the way she did to me and my brother.

Thankfully my understanding gave way to forgiveness. My heart went out to her when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, even though we had never grown close. My brother and I eventually had to put her in an Alzheimer’s assisted living home. That was so sad. She really did deserve a better life than she had, and a happier last few years. She passed into Heavenly peace in April this year.

On January 1st this year I made the decision to spend this year working on my own transformation. I want to be the kind of person God wants me to be. I knew I wanted to develop better habits, improve myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. It won’t happen over night, but with daily working on the various changes even at least one of them each day I will get there.

Yesterday (November 15, 2010) I heard Joyce Meyer ask the question “Are you happy with yourself, or trying to be someone else?” It was an AH HA moment for me as I thought about my own personal answer.

There have been many things I’ve not liked about myself. Yet today, as I think of the progress I’ve made over the years and I realize, I do like myself. I’m proud of how far I’ve come over the many years to become a better person, gaining wisdom, and I hope a more loving heart.

I don’t want to be someone else. I just want to be me, who I am meant to be. I am happy with myself ~ and even happier with each accomplishments along the way to a better me.

November 15, 2010

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