It began very well. I got up and started a bit earlier than usual, which I have been trying to do. Thanks to a friend who gave me a wake up call this morning I made it
After taking care of a few things around the house I went out for a few groceries and stopped to check in on a sick friend.
On the drive to the grocery store I thought about calling Mother to talk. Of course, I couldn’t because she passed away in April. I have been having those thoughts lately and initially they are pleasant thoughts. Then I remember how we were never close and didn’t have a good relationship. As I got older more information from her past made me realize why she was the way she was. It was very sad when she developed Alzheimer’s and eventually had to be placed in an assisted living facility. So many times I think “she deserved a better life.”
Today’s Oprah was a full hour with Marie Osmond talking about her son, Michael. She told what a great person he was; smart, happy, joyful, and full of fun. He cared so much for others. Yet he had difficulty with drugs and depression through many years of his life before he committed suicide this past February. He called her the night before and said he didn’t feel as if he had any friends.
Marie told how she felt during a time of post partum depression. She believed everyone would be better off without her, but she would realize that was not true.
Our minds and hearts are very fragile. So many people, even those who seem so beautiful, popular, smart, and have it all together have moments of vulnerability. They too can feel unloved, unappreciated, lack self-confidence, and invisible. Most are only fleeting episodes, and some who become depressed can come out of it quickly.
Yet there are so many who hide their depression by acting happy and self-confident, but are really hurting inside. They know most people don’t really want to know if someone is having a bad day, because they are too busy and have their own lives to deal with. So, the hurt and loneliness go unspoken until it becomes too hard to endure. Such a sad place to be, and it is becoming more and more prominent in our society.
So this evening has been deeply internal for me. I can empathize with those who go through this kind of sadness, and my heart hurts for them.
Ann Marquette 